Esotericism is not tasty. I thought we all learned this from Hansel and Gretel. It doesn’t matter where you hide your resteraunt, if you’re food and drink isn’t amazing nobody is going to come back. Passing through Sassafras on the way to Mount Dandenong, its impossible not to pass Miss Marple’s Tearoom. The building is an indiscriminate cottage that you could easily disregard. The dining room is cluttered with teapots and ornaments, the air is warm and thick by the open fireplace, and you can smell scones baking in the kitchen – its intoxicating.
The sobering reality comes when the food and drink is served, when I suddenly realised where I was: I’m in grandma’s house. My grandmother isn’t a very adventurous cook, and I would never ask her to make me a coffee, but that’s everything Miss Marple’s Tearoom is: you’re visiting grandma’s house.
I ordered a chicken pie, which was actually a chicken pot-pie topped with mashed potato and cheddar cheese. It was alright, but definitely not exciting. The real horror came with the coffee though, which was too watery and just tasted terrible. I can only attribute it to the beans they were using, because it didn’t even have that obvious stale grind taste. It was just genuinely bad.
Miss Marple’s does have a few redeeming qualities however. Sitting in the dining room with the sweet smell of freshly baked scones hanging in the air, I couldn’t help but order some with my coffee, and this is where the tearoom really shines. The scones are unique, they’re baked together and separated like bread rolls which makes them softer that scones normally are. You’re offered a choice of plain or fruit scones and they’re served with a delicious home-made jam and whipped cream.
The food was average and the coffee was absolutely terrible, but being forty minutes outside the city, it’s technically not the worst coffee in Melbourne … Coffeehead is.
Despite this, the experience is enjoyable. The dining room is wonderful, and the scones are delicious. If you’re passing through Sassafras I’d recommend paying Miss Marple’s a visit, but only for a pot of tea and some scones – definitely not a coffee. Just stick to the tea, even my grandma can make a decent pot of tea.